Ficlet: Brokeback again (Jake/Heath RPS)

BROKEBACK AGAIN

„Oh no! No more paparazzi!“

Heath groaned, grabbed Jake by his shirt and pulled him to the elevator, pressed the button and the door closed after both men. Heath grinned and said:

“I really thought the securities of this hotel would have been better!”

Jake nodded.

“Yeah, me too.”

He hit the button for the penthouse where he had his rooms. But, right between the 17^th and 18^th Floor suddenly the lights went out, there was a strange noise and the lift stopped. Heath gasped.

“Oh no! What’s… what’s this? A blackout??”

“Seems so!” answered Jake. Then he sighed.

“Great. Really great!”

Heath sat down and looked up to Jake.

“I hope, it won’t take too much time…”

Jake looked at his friend. They had met in the hotel to talk about their new movie, in which they would share the screen together again. When they came from this meeting with the director they saw the paparazzi with their cameras. Lousy rats!! Jake sighed then he bit his lower lip and watched Heath. Do it, Gyllenhaal, do it!  Who knows if you’ll ever get this chance again! Being alone with Heath and he couldn't escape! Do it!! Just do it! Don’t think about it too much – just – do – it!!

“Erm… Heath?”

“Yeah?”

Heath looked up to Jake who crossed his arms in front of his chest and cleared his throat.

“I – erm… want to… have to tell you something!”

The sound of his friend's voice made Heath worried. So he got up and watched Jake.

“What? You… are scaring me, Jake! What is it?”

“It’s… erm… not easy to tell you…”

Jake watched the ground beneath him. Heath grabbed his shoulders.

“You have to tell me, bud. Are you sick? Don’t you feel well? Jake??”

Jake closed his eyes. Come on – you can do it!! You can!

“Erm… Heath, erm… I… I have to tell you… something!”

Heath frowned.

“Yes – what??”           

Jake bit his lips again.

“Heath, it’s…”

GO ON!!!

“I wish… I wish I knew how to quit you!”

Jake held his breath. Then he looked up, in Heaths eyes. They widened. Immediately Jake looked down again. Heath gasped and lurched back against the wall.

“Jake…”

His voice was weak. And Heath couldn’t stop staring at his friend who looked down again. Heath sighed and repeated:

“Jake… please… don’t!”

Jake closed his eyes and swallowed hardly. He didn’t look at Heath while he whispered:

“I always loved you, Heath. From the first day we met. I looked at you and my heart… it hurts so much I can’t breathe! I thought ‘Oh my god – I didn’t know that this Ledger is such a smart fellow! And I am allowed to be his partner in Brokeback!’…”

For a moment Jake smiled, still in his memories. Then he continued:

“And I was so nervous in our scene when we kissed. When we kissed…”

His eye-lashes fluttered when Jake watched Heath for a moment.

“When we kissed… in this tent… I wanted to drown, Heath. In your eyes, in your lips, in your kiss. I wanted to drown every moment we were together. When I looked at you or when you looked at me – always. And when the movie was finished and I knew we would go separate ways… I didn’t know what to do. How to… live without you! And all these thoughts of you and Michelle…”

Jake sighed und sat down, face in his hands. Heath starred at him, still in shock. He never thought of this, never thought Jake was in… no, Jake was STILL in love with him! He wasn't able to speak, to think, he hardly could breathe – he just watched his friend with wide eyes. Of course he loved him too. But not in that way! Not like that!

“And sometimes I thought…”

Jake smiled and took a deep breath.

“Sometimes I thought… it could be like this, just like this – always!”

He made a little gesture with his hand.

“Both of us – together. Like this. Here.”

Now it was Heaths turn to close his eyes. Jake loved him. And he wanted to share their lives together. Be with him! Oh god. Oh god! He opened his eyes again and looked at his friend.

“Jake…”

“I know. I know…”

Heath felt tears in his eyes when he saw the look in Jakes face. The same look he had had in the movie during the shooting of that morning scene, in which Ennis had hold Jack in his arms, humming a melody, before he had left him and Jack had watched him going away.

That was the moment when Heath started to cry.

“Jake please… I know you love me! But -  but… IT CAN’T BE!! You know that! It mustn't be! It’s… it’s impossible!!!”

For a few moments there was silence. Then Jake whispered:

“The truth is…”

Heath started to shake his head. No! No, don’t do it, Jake! Don’t! Please! I won’t stand it! Couldn’t stand it! But Jake didn’t hear the thoughts of his friend:

“Sometimes… I miss you so much – I can hardly stand it, Heath!”

Hours later:

Jake was still asleep. Heath looked out of the window without seeing anything. When the lift had finally reached the penthouse both of them went inside. And they kissed. Heath closed his eyes. Yes – they had kissed. Jake had kissed him in the lift. Once, twice. And he himself had answered these kisses. It had to be that way! He hadn't been able to stop Jake and he hadn't WANTED to stop him! If there would have been one chance for them in a lifetime – it was supposed to be this way! And finally they had made love together. No sex! It had been pure love. Jake had been watching him while he – Heath – made love to him. Sweet, tender love including kisses, little words of love and passion and there were sighs, cries and moans. When Heath had been watching Jakes face finally, his dark eyes, full of lust - he had only been able to repeat Jakes “I love you”…

And now Jake was still asleep with a little smile on his face. Heath watched him a little while. Then he took a deep sigh and left the penthouse in silence.

The next morning:

After Heath awoke and got up he went outside to grab the newspaper. Abruptly he gasped, staring at the paper in his hand in shock, before his knees went weak and he tumbled down to the ground. There were two words on the front page: TRAGICAL ACCIDENT and a photo of Jake beside this headline and the following words:

“Young actor Jake Gyllenhaal (26) died after a dreadful accident. It seems that he had lost his balance on the terrace of his penthouse and fell over the balustrade. The emergency physicians hadn't been able to help…”

The paper fell down. Heath sat on the ground without thinking. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t do anything. It took some time before he started to cry.

3 days later:

Heath was still shocked about what had happened, when a letter reached him. He stared at the envelope and recognized that it was Jakes handwriting. With shaking hands he opened the letter and started to read it:

Hi Heath,

Thx for this wonderful night I’ll never forget! Thanks for your love, thanks for your friendship and thanks for what you gave to me! I don’t talk about your dick, bud; I talk about your trust, your sweet tenderness and especially the most precious thing of all: your heart!

Burn this letter, nobody should find it! And my words will be always in your heart like you will stay in mine. I love you, Heath!

Yours forever,

Jack

THE END